Pre-Yule Post

"Sorry, kid, it's a Zune."

The holiday is nearly upon us. The stores are all packed with what appear to be shoppers in the early stages of zombification. The streets are choked with them too, usually sitting at traffic lights texting furiously while the lights go from red to green to yellow and red again.

What I really want for Christmas is a pair of water-cooled, belt-fed 50 caliber machine guns mounted to the hood of my vehicle. While I abhor violence, I do find it amusing if applied with panache, and nothing says 'Hey moron get off your phone and drive' quite like sawing their Ford Taurus in half with a relentless hail of large-caliber lead.

One aspect of the holiday season that truly needs updating is the traditional music. I'm not sure if I'm the only one's who has noticed, but modern people rarely go a 'wassailing, nor do they dash through the snow in sleighs, one-horse and open or not.

What we need are songs that reflect the experiences of our time, and, as always, I'm here to help!

Updated Christmas Carols:

"Stop Texting Merry Gentlemen The Traffic Light is Green"
"Mary Did You Know Your Kids Are Behaving Like Meth-Crazed Chimpanzees"
"Away in a Warehouse, Back-Ordered 'till Spring"
"The Twelve Days of Rehab"
"Ring That Bloody Bell in My Ear One More Time I'll Punch You in The Face"

The last one is my favorite. Hey, 'tis the season!

Mug and Meralda News

The print version of All the Turns of Light is ready, save for one final step -- I'm waiting on delivery of an actual printed proof copy, which I must inspect and approve. If it is up to snuff, I press a button, and the Amazon product page goes live in a few hours.

I was hoping the proofs would arrive this week, but given the time of the year, it should be no surprise they haven't made it to my door yet. I feel sure I'll see them Monday or Tuesday, and if all goes well, print copies will be on sale by Christmas. I'll keep you posted.

Final Words

I wish to extend a hearty Happy Holidays to every one of you -- blog fans, readers, people who Googled the dead Frank Tuttle and wound up here by mistake, Holly my Samhain editor, Natalie the brilliant cover artist, Maria and Randy of Bear Mountain Books, whose expert editing and conversion expertise made Turns of Light a far better book than it would have been in there absence, my beta readers, my fellow writers, and finally to Tiny Tim himself!

May the deity or supernatural force of your choice confer upon you events you will perceive as blessings, or at least stop hassling you, amen.

Now get back to work, all you authors!