Brown River Queen cover art

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Glowing Plastic Werewolf Heads

Fig. 7A: The author, before coffee.
The image above may explain a few things.

That photograph was taken a half-hour ago. Yes, it's a werewolf head. Of the glowing plastic variety. 

I bring your attention to it because it is an artifact from my childhood. I thought Wolfie was gone forever, buried deep in a landfill somewhere, quietly decomposing. But he must have found a good hiding place instead, because I found him just this morning after my father unearthed him from whatever remote corner of the house he's been haunting since I was nine. 

Woflie had a body once. A tall, furry, raggedly-dressed body, arms upraised, talons gleaming with plasticine menace. Sadly, the life of a plastic werewolf is fraught with danger, especially when BB guns and cousins become involved. But Wolfie's head survived, and he spent many a night glowing faintly on my bed, keeping the other monsters at bay.

He still glows, as you can see. I think he was even pleased to see me again, after all these years. 

He now perches atop my PC case, where he can once again emit a pale yellow-green glow and make sure the zombies don't sneak up behind me.

Welcome home, Wolfie. It's good to have you back.


In last week's blog, I posted a couple of emails from a scammer calling himself Wang. Dear old Wang promised me a sizable hunk of some sweet, sweet Chinese cash, if only I would agree to help him out.

Well, being an agreeable fellow, I emailed Wang back and explained that I would be more than happy to collect a few million dollars for a good cause. But, in the interest of full disclosure, I let Wang in on my own little secret -- I confessed to him I am in reality the crime-fighting super-hero known as THE NIGHTCRAWLER.

Now, such a revelation might have sent many business associates running for the hills. But not Wang! Oh no. Friend Wang is made of sterner stuff. Even after my Nightcrawler email, he's not only willing but eager to do business with me, as witnessed by his reply to my Nightcrawler email, which I'll post below:

Date: Fri, 16 Aug 2013 17:27:05 +0800 [08/16/2013 05:27:05 AM EDT]
From: Xingwu. Wang <>Add to my Address Book China
To: franktuttle@franktuttle.comAdd to my Address Book

Dearest Friend and Partner, 
It has indeed been a great honour and privilege having you as a friend and business associate and I have decided to take you as a very close and prospective partner in this venture with hopes that we would meet someday and shake hands together. I want you to be fully assured that you are dealing with a man of absolute integrity and honesty and want to sincerely assure you that you would never have any cost of regrets doing business with my person. I want you to trust me like a brother which I have taking you to be.  I want you to be sincerely assured that you have met the right and appropriate person to do business with and also assure you that this transaction is 100% legitimate which you will not be exposed to any form of risk for partnering with me in securing this noble effort.

BLAH BLAH BLAH Another page of scammer-speak deleted it's all crap anyway.

Will you still help? If you are willing to help,   I will need the following information’s from you as soon as possible.  
Full names:
Contact address:
Telephone/fax number(s).
A copy of any form of valid identification / international passport or id/, driver’s License sent by email as an attachment.  
As I will know who I am dealing with we need to build trust, As soon as you provide this information I will process with the legal document and the shipment of our package with the money inside to you 
Note the Diplomat will contact you.
Furthermore, I would like you to introduce me to lucrative domestic investments in your location and I will welcome proficient advice on terms and procedures of investments, okay?  Be rest assured that all facilities for the successful transfer of the fund have been carefully arranged provided that you maintain secrecy follow my advice and instruction on transfer of money as I may do same when time for our investments come. Thank you once again and I look forward to a good business relationship with you which would be of much benefit to both parties. 
Looking forward to your urgent response
Best Regards to you and your family,
Wang Xingwu

Okay, so Wang wants my name, contact info, a scan of an ID card, all the usual nonsense.

Well, I've come this far, and I do need forty million dollars to pay off my bookie after a series of bad tips on the hamster races, so here goes. I sent all the following information and documents to Wang:

NAME: Frank F. Frank
ADDRESS: 419 Batmannish Groin Drive
                   Gotham City, GC 909423
TELEPHONE: (redacted -- it's a legal brothel in Nevada, have fun with that Wang)

And for my 'identification,' here's what I sent:

Like my new beard, and my piercing Russian stare? And bonus points to anyone who can name the motto on the Gotham City seal.  

I predict Wang will indeed respond, despite the ridiculous nature of my credentials.

Once he does, I'll post that here too. 


The new Markhat novel is still under consideration.

The new Mug and Meralda is still underway. My word count this week stands at last week's total, give or take a couple hundred words, because I deleted nearly as many as I wrote. 

That happens sometimes. I don't consider it time wasted, because I did explore a path I simply decided not to take. 

The book proceeds, though!


Hope to do more EVP work with my fancy new germanium microphone this week. If I do, I'll post the results here on the blog, as always.


Wolfie bids you all a good night, and pleasant dreams...

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