Brown River Queen cover art

Monday, June 25, 2012

Fifty Shades of Mug

I am writing in the wrong genre.

The buzz these days is all about the book Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm told Fifty Shades sells eleven billion copies per second on Amazon alone, and total sales of the book by all markets combined exceed the number of sentient beings in the populated universe by a factor so large mathematicians have been known to explode just trying to describe it.

This is in direct contrast to my own titles, which sell at a rate we will charitably describe as 'slightly slower.'

I took to a mountaintop recently to ponder, among other things, the reasons and causes for this inequitable disparity in sales. Okay, it wasn't a mountaintop, but sitting on that extra couch cushion does give me a commanding view of the foyer.There I sat, in a position of deep thought, through two entire episodes of Lizard Lick Towing.

And then it came to me.

My books feature very little of the content that made the author of Fifty Shades so rich they are now picking out a new sun because our current one is simply 'too yellow.'

Look through all my books. Spankings? Nope. Salacious romps in luxurious Wall Street offices? Um, no.

Even Markhat, who is a wise-cracking world-weary private eye, never gets any naughtier than a kiss now and then. Or, if he does, there's no way he's going to talk about it.

So maybe I need to move with the times. Maybe Markhat's next adventure should be entitled Steamy Rannit Nights, or Naughty Mama Hog. I have to stick with the three-word title motif -- you had noticed that, right? Well, it's a thing. All Markhat titles have three words. If there's a reason for that, it escapes me.

Of course, I'll also need to rename the new Mug and Meralda book. It was going to be called All the Turns of Light, but now I'm trying to decide between Pants in the Wind or Mug's Curious Encounter With a Rather Un-inhibited Philodendron Named Honey LaLove. 

Why not jump straight aboard the gravy train, though, and go with Fifty Shades of Mug?

I might even release a new version of All the Paths of Shadow - -see below!

And here's a Markhat title, renewed for the adult market!

Yes, the sky's the limit now!

Or you could just buy one of my plain old un-sexy books, linked below:

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to research dirigibles...


  1. IMHO you should keep your stories just as they are--from your heart and with nothing that would embarrass anyone's spinster aunts. :)

  2. Don't you dare change a thing. And I PROMISE you, the world will never be ready for "Naughty Mama Hog." The mere thought has sent me reeling. I may need extra chocolate just to survive the day. Yeesh.

  3. Yes, "Naughty Mama Hog" had me stepping back from the screen quite a bit. PLEASE DON'T GO THERE!

    Your books are excellent as they are and the only flaws I see is that there aren't enough of them.

    Stop pondering on that mountaintop/couch cushion and make sure Meralda, Mug and Markhat are well employed into the next decade.

  4. Note to Self: Abandon the line of Mama Hog romance novels. Initial reader reactions indicate aversion to planned content. Also delete rough draft of 'Wistril's Wild Women."

  5. I do have to say that just the thought of Mama Hogg in anything close to erotica is just scary. I mean, just think about what she'd do with all the dead owls! On the other hand, I think a few short stories about some of the characters other than Markhat might make interestign work and reading such as in the format of "A Day in the life of...".

  6. Sadly, I've bought all your titles already. But rest assured, I'm standing by to buy more. whether it's All the Turns of Light, OR Naughty Mama Hog.

    I'm all in on Wistril's Wild Women.

  7. I'm not sure there's enough liquor in all North America to allow for the completion of Mama Hog erotica!