Brown River Queen cover art

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Westboro Baptist -- Ya'll Don't Come Back Now, You Hear?

I don't follow the gap-toothed meanderings of the inbred loons who comprise Westboro Baptist church much these days.  I do have a Google alert set in case a headline containing the words 'Westboro Baptist church bus plunges flaming explosion carnage' pops up.  I'm always ready for a good laugh.

So I had no idea the whole wretched Westboro mob was heading for my home state just last week.

But they were.  To Brandon, Mississippi, to 'protest' during the funeral of USMC Staff Sgt. Jason Rogers, who was laid to rest last Saturday.

I can't imagine what Sgt. Rogers' family was going through.  I can imagine their reactions to seeing the misshapen, drooling troglodytes from Westboro waving signs that mocked their son's untimely death.  No one should be forced to endure that.

I know, I know, free speech, even for those who don't deserve it.  And I agree with that.

I also agree with the people in Brandon who decided the Rogers family had quite enough to deal with without adding the Westboro protest to the list.

According to my sources, trouble started early for the Westboro 'faithful,' in the form of an impromptu beat-down outside a Brandon gas station at which a passer-by demonstrated to a loudmouthed Westborite that yes, you have a perfect right to defile the memory of a dead man, and by the way have you met my fist?

The pugilistic stranger left the scene, and due to poor lighting conditions and a sudden uptick in sunspot activity witnesses gave conflicting descriptions of the assailant to the Brandon police.  Some claimed the stranger was tall and white.  Others maintained he was short and African-American.  Still others produced elaborate sketches of Gandalf, or the Green Hornet.

The Westboro street preacher waddled back to his hotel, sadly unavenged.

The actual morning of the planned  protest brought even more difficulties for the various primates from Westboro. When the Westboro bunch emerged from their motel rooms, after doubtlessly spending their night picking through each other's hair in search of lice and ticks, it seems careless motorists had parked their large and unwieldy pickups behind all the Westboro vehicles.  Inexplicably, the drivers of the poorly-parked trucks could not be found.

The Westborons demanded a tow truck.  Such was dispatched, but became lost in the teeming metropolis that is Brandon, Mississippi.  The delay was such that the 'protesters' were unable to travel to their appointed spot in time to disrupt the funeral.

What a shame!  They are after all such lovely, wonderful people.  I do hope their experiences here don't sour them on the state.  

In fact, I'd like to extend to each and every Westboron a special invitation.  

Come back to Mississippi anytime. 

We are, after all, the hospitality state....  


  1. "Inexplicably, the drivers of the poorly-parked trucks could not be found."

    Gosh. That's just *awful*. Such a shame about the tow trucks.

    Such a shame indeed [/cackling]

  2. Being originally from S. La., can't help but be proud of my ex-neighbors! They done good. ;)